Sunday, December 19, 2010

Mizzy Amanda and Tray Disco Crissy Queens 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

the beach


Oh to be basking on a beach
Someplace
Where I can swim the depths of the sea
And walk the shores
Waves breaking
Ocean breezes blowing
The fine golden sand
Caressing my toes
An ocean full of wonder
Under endless blue skies
Take me there
Forever where I belong

Sunday, November 7, 2010

quitting



QUITTING!

these are very brave words for me to say.. to be finally stubbing out my last fag & starting life anew without them

this most definately needs to be blogged and in the open.. I mean how many times has one tried to quit & failed? I know I have on many occasions.. even the time before I met my ex boyfriend when I had gone cold turkey for a whole 3 months.. determined that that time was final.. until I succumbed again under pressure.. so after a few serious attempts.. I just knew a day like that would come again..

and its arrived under the most strange and not so strange circumstances and veils.. the not so strange being health wise I was really feeling the effects of having been a smoker for 20+ years.. yes the frequent shortness of breath after not particulary heavy activity.. catching up with me finally when ive been trying to avoid thinking about it.. the smelly hair and clothes.. the financial aspect when I could be doing much more in life instead of being tied to an ashtray.. all these things (and more) are the obvious signs it was time to quit.. but what the actual trigger of it this time was.. was much deeper emotionally for me

I had just had an argument with the boy over whos turn it was to cook... I had been cooking for a few days in a row and thought it was only fair he did his share.. when it suddenly took a turn into nasty street & I let loose a few things I shouldnt have said.. then sulked upstairs to my room.. it was here in my room as I let the tears go I thought to myself.. what the hell? my life was in a bloody rut.. I needed to bust out and DO SOMETHING... CHANGE.. GO FORWARD... but as much as I wanted to.. it was the fucking fags keeping me in the hole.. just a whole lotta thoughts all accumilating right at that moment that took my breath away and forced me to take a long hard look at where I was going...

and what I saw wasnt a pretty picture... somethings had to change .. here I was a 44 year old woman.. heavily hooked on fags.. (a 25's pack & a half per day) that made her life revolved around them.. owned in other words.. I would take cigs everywhere I went.. smoke em anywhere I was.. & even at night in bed... it was getting to the stage where I thought of em as not as enjoyable anymore but an ugly habit.. desperately wanting to quit but not having the strength or determination....a ball and chain burden I had on my back.. and it was costing me an average $143 per week to support!

so to cut a long story short.. (more on that long story as we go along ... im sure).. this week on Wednesday between after I had bought my usual 2 packs in the morning very early and smoking almost half the pack (I smoked in rations the few days preceeding) til after lunch venturing out..I finally made the decision to quit..

these are a pic of the very last packs I bought (the unopened pack I actually took back to the store & got a refund... the shop clerk had to ask whether everything was ok lol.. WHY was I returning a pack instead of buying one? LOL)and that felt bloody marvelous!

Friday, October 15, 2010

vulnerablity



Fingers caressing the black leather
penchantly
as the familiar comfort
seeps into Me
Glistening snaking
against My blood red nails
Envisioning the welts
it kisses brutely into his flesh
Forcing his vulnerability
his heart jumps and flesh tingles
kneeling naked alone exposed
a cool sweat coating his skin
as he learns quite quickly
he cannot begin with My disapproval
tensing again holding his breath
head bowed hoping to impress
instantly his attention is drawn
to the middle of the room
heels clicking
absorbing so much
the shiver of nervous anticipation
as he prepares for My inspection
Blood red lips smirking
the leather straps caressing hot flesh
the first compromise of body
thoughts acutely evaporating
into sharp warm sensations
bringing higher awareness
as the wrath of his Miztress unfolds
trembling
succumbing
stinging
he is reminded of Her power
the unduly force that
binds his thoughts and emotions
with every lash bestowed

Miz Helena

Thursday, October 14, 2010

trails of Her journey



Smirking over
Blistering bottoms
& Smearing of crimson lips
He is but a object of mockery
With a deep devotion to please
So penchantly feminized
With pretty frilly pantees
Encasing a chastised weeping cock
He awaits anxiously ready for his Miztresss
Stern instruction
For that seering moment he catches Her eye
A slow smile licking over Her lips
As She searches for a trace of weakness
Not touching skin
But penetrating nerves
Pulling his fears to Her
The sensation quickly vanishing
As the first marks
Leaves trails of Her journey
Thru his body and mind
Futile he realises
Soon nothing will be hidden

Thursday, September 9, 2010

moms knee replacement op

finally the time has come for moms knee replacement op.. an op shes been trying to avoid.. putting it off for as long as she can.. partly due to her stubborness and thinking she'll get better and partly because of the horror stories of the pain involved to go thru with it all... putting up with on some days excruciating pain till the inevitable had to happen

but it hasnt been all smooth sailing

esp on the health care cover side of things... a total nightmare that in my opinion they dont care for U and couldnt care less who U are and what U are going thru.. a money spinning revenue greed machine who suck U bone dry and spit U out at the crucial moment..

ok so in May mom gets a letter informing her that her knee replacement (and other non elective/pre existing conditions that require surgery on their list) will no longer be covered under her current policy & if she required cover for it she should upgrade her cover as soon as possible.. this she did.. however as low as they are they stooped to below cunt status when they informed us that now she will have a 12 month waiting period before she can claim

did we hear that correctly? a 12 month waiting period for someone thats been a current member for over 10 years? apparently so

so now we were faced with dilemma.. do we wait the 12 months in agony and slowly watch her deteriorate further? (her condition was worsening.. her normally energetic nature & active lifestyle she enjoyed was severly limited) can the doc somehow be sympathetic and allow her to pay him off for his costs over time? can the hospital portion be covered at least? can we go public?

investigating further and with the health fund informing us that NO portion of her knee replacement will be covered within the 12 month waiting period (have the surgery now.. claim later included) & public waiting lists the same waiting length.. she had no option but to pay for it herself.. forcing her to take out a loan to cover her medical costs

nevertheless.. this post doesnt aim to be bitter... I could go on about the procedure we were put thru with the banks.. but this post is focused on mom & her op.. so to cut a long story short.. her loan was approved and arrangements were made to book her in for surgery at a private hosp close by

all this placed a great deal of stress on her and the family.. as if the lead up to surgery wasnt enough.. suddenly the realisation of her fraility and pain was all too apparent to me.. this was it.. this is what she had to go thru to get better.. and on some days I couldnt cope with it.. the surgery itself carried risks of chest infection due to the heavy use of painkillers and spinal blocks and immobilization for extended periods.. and the surgery procedure itself when explained to me totally freaked me out.. our family has always been healthy and noone has ever had a major op like this ever.. I didnt know what to expect & I suddenly was faced with the possibility that things will never be the same again

if U can imagine making a fist with both hands and holding them together (with arms bent at right angles) and imagine your left arm from fist to elbow is your thigh bone and your right arm from fist to elbow is your shin bone and the fists in the middle are your knee joints.. what we normally have between the knee joints is soft cushioning cartilage seperating the joints.. in moms case the cartilage had completely worn away due to normal wear and tear of aging brought on by arthitis and both her joints were touching .. grinding.. causing her joints to splinter.. in turn causing her immense pain.. this is present on both knees but more marked on her right

fixing it consists of smoothing over the splintered joint and "capping" both ends of the joint (thigh & shin) with a heavy duty stainless steel cap and attaching a flexible rubbery latexy device inbetween acting as the cartilage..this is a permanent procedure we were told.. as the parts were designed to last a lifetime.. so that meant there was no chance of having bad knees ever again

she was finally admitted on Sunday 5th with surgery confirmed for Monday 6th Sep and shes doing well

on Monday after surgery she mainly slept all day due to the IV morphine and spinal blocks not worn off yet.. nausea and vomiting was present for most of the day which is common .. she was off her food.. but the main thing was she was pain free.. she wore compressed stockings that were contracting and releasing mechaically at short intervals to keep the circultion in her knees going and was hooked up to a device which kept an eye on her vital functions

on Tuesday the groggyness was still apparent but was easing.. she managed a few mouthfuls and fluids.. her specialist came by to see her and she was told she was progressing well.. her spinal block had worn off and she was able to start wiggling her toes.. they dont waste anytime and she was told that she would be got out of bed and commence weight baring and a few steps.. but when they did so.. she was overcome by dizzyness and did not continue.. still the main thing was she was virtully pain free.. and the walking can come when shes ready & stronger

this gave us the oppportunity to become close.. caring for mom.. talking about how she felt.. it was our turn now to be there for her after all she had done for us over the years.. this made me remember back to my fracture of the knee and how she nursed me back to full recovery.. being there making sure I was comfy.. doing my chores when I couldnt.. caring for me.. running my errands.. now it was my turn..

Day 3 saw the IV morphine removed along with the vital fucntion monitor.. and the compression stockings.. she was allowed to spend time out of bed on her favourite chair.. watching TV reading doing her exercises.. swelling of her knee joint was becoming apparent so she was given an ice pack to keep it under control.. she was eating fine by now thanks to ceasing the IV morphine and her pain was being kept under control via oral tablets of endone and infection at bay thanks to keflex.. she did experience pain theres no doubt.. but it was managable.. and her dressings consisted only of a waterproof gause and firm elasticised band which keep her knee straight

Day 4 saw her in a bit of pain.. because any morphine that she had in her system had worn off and she was given morphine in tablet form this made her feel nausious again and sleepy.. still she was able get out of bed with the aid of her walking frame to shower & go to the toilet on her own and go for short walks in the hallway when she felt bored.. her specialist came to see her again and remarked how well she was doing and mentioned she will soon be able to commence her physio at the rehab centre

all in all it is a painful procedure but one where the pain can be minimised and recovery is fast.. in fact I thought that she would be in much more pain and be slow to get up and about again.. so she continues to surprize us.. and continues to make a speedy recovery

more to come.. from physio xx

Saturday, August 7, 2010

@oleuanna she is sooo beautiful.. :-)) #FF

I have had a silent admiration for a certain someone here since she first came to my attention in a friends twitter stream in late 2008.. she stood out amongst his 3000+ followers as someone I felt a connection to... was in awe of... was able to feel her passionate nature.. and could make me laugh hysterically

I admired her tireless efforts campaigning for a better.. fairer world and someone that wasnt afraid to speak her mind ... she struck me as genuine.. with a big heart.. I would giggle at the way she would use the term cuntage often.. (LOL) ... she had a special way about her.. an amazing rapport with her followers.. and I felt she and I just somehow clicked...

yet...

she didnt know I existed... and I felt in a way a tinge of guilt the way I was 'stalking her'.. primarily becoz I was at the time not sure how I would make my presence felt with her.. how I should approach her... would she befriend me? would she take an interest in me and my world?.. I had so many silly doubts running round my head.. so like this I continued... admiring her from afar .. in secret.. in my own private world.. my friend by this time (April 2009) had deleted his whole following list ..... so I was lucky to have bookmarked her before the chop..... I looked forward to visiting her every chance I got.. usually of an evening when i'd be in bed.. chilling... reflecting.. her tweets would cheer me.. educate me.. I learnt a new style of interaction... and I slowly got a deeper feeling of the person behind the name

fast forward to this time last year... I befriended another person whom had her on his list as I discovered.. it was no surprize really.. as I seen over time users flock to her.. her list of followers steadily rising.. she was just like that.. magnetic.... captivating.. U couldnt help not being attracted to her.. I dont know what it was.. all I knew is that she had it.. that passionate spunk.. charisma.. intelligence... she just knew how to work it and make U feel good

I was told to follow as he thought we would connect with each other and get on.. but I was still apprehensive... not for any reason other than I felt I didnt know what I would say.. how to approach.. U know that feeling of being in awe right?? .. how would she feel if she found out about my longtime secret admiration?.. it seemed my days would be spent admiring her as I have done up to now.. from afar

until I took a deep breath and gathered up the courage to send a friend request to her...

I wanted to finally be able to speak to her... to delve into her world.. altho I knew that when I did.. it wouldnt of felt that we were new contacts.. to me it would have felt like we've been old friends for years.. the kind that live in each others space.. I just knew we would slot in together well and not feel any awkwardness of meeting for the first time

and guess what ?? I was right!!... we clicked right off the bat..and I was left wondering why the hell didnt I join her sooner.. way back when I first took notice of her.. just goes to show.. how silly I was to think I didnt have a chance with her.. her tweets continue to inspire.. make me laugh & educate me.. shes one hell of an amazing woman!

I guess the morale of the story is... dont deny yourself the opportunity to meet others U desire to meet.. dont ever think your not good enough or dont fit in.. if U deeply feel a connection with someone.. chances are that person feels it too.... and she is definately someone I feel before I even see.. U just know with some people...

this lil tale concludes as a special #FollowFriday mention.. and just in case your all wondering who this special person is... why its no other than the girl who always puts a smile on my face without fail.. for almost 2 years now... and thats the very beautiful @oleuanna .. some of U reading this prolly already know her & feel what im saying.. for those that dont.. im sure U will when U get to say hi :-))))

<3 Miz Helena

PS below is a lil #FF song dedication Portishead - Undenied

Friday, June 11, 2010

Reflection Time at Cabarita Bay

Pleasant arvo out revisiting my old haunt Cabarita Bay.. this area holds very fond memories for me It was a lovely day out sun shining and warm for this time of year.. just a superb place for catching a quiet moment and some lunch on the grass

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

my day out at beautiful La Perouse

after almost a week of continuous rain rain and more rain.. today finally cleared up and I took myself off for a spot of lunch and views at the lovely La Perouse in Botany Bay.. below is a video I made overlooking the entrance to Botany Bay and a view of Bare Island

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Poets of The Fall - Carnival of Rust

this track has just become the offical Miz Helenas Poetry & Rants song.. the lyrics so poetically inspired and so true.. have a listen in and let me know what y'all think of it..

D' you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need,
And taste the blame if the flavor should remind you of greed?
Of implication, insinuation and ill will, 'til you cannot lie still,
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil come closing in for a kill

Come feed the rain
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed
All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need
I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before

Come feed the rain...
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning

Monday, May 17, 2010

is it love when

gothic pictures Pictures, Images and Photos

is it love when
I catch myself thinking about U?
dreaming of being in your arms
and in your bed
of being the only one?
insanely mad
and hopeful
of kissing your lips
and delicious discoveries
watching them play out
sublimely and veraciously
yet sooo bewilderingly lost

Friday, May 7, 2010

who am I to stand before her?

best friends Pictures, Images and Photos

immense, engulfing, intense
her love captivates me
her presence so vivacious
a deep emotive reverence
that lingers way after she departs
who am I to stand before her?
to rant and rave
and whine of all the wrongs?
at times so selfish and unbearable
then..... it desends
I am consumed with her love
her glorious unconditional love
that is forgiving
nonjudgemental
never pointing fingers
or downtrodden
despite the whirlpool emotions
she picks me up
dusts me off
with almost feather-like effortlessness
her gift of her gratituous friendship
I am so fortunate to have
to know her
to feel her
to share with her
to go deep with her
to know what the she is thinking
telling each other
we have come a long way
on a often bumpy road
thru twists and turns
tantrums and tears
to emerge stronger
bonded
and resolute
I love her.. need her
my heart overflows with so much joy
that to imagine a day without her
would be like the sun has stopped shining

mizzy & tray bestest friends

awww this is the video my bestest friend Tray made of us.. I still treasure this and always will.. the music is from Wet Wet Wet Somewhere Somehow.. and the piccies are randomly selected .. I hope U enjoy

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Making My Mark in the Sand at Summer Bay

another brill weekend with P in town has come to an end sooo fast booo! so I took myself off to lovely Summer Bay this arvo.. the birthplace of the popular Aussie soap Home and Away.. AKA Palm Beach.. it was a brill arvo out.. mild with a slight freshness in the air.. and it was nice to revisit after havin not been here for possibly 10 years

in the 2nd vid.. I make my mark in the sand with love to my closer friends @Goblingenre @trayr111 and @Amanda2409

summer bay



Thursday, April 1, 2010

2010 Australian F1 Grand Prix Review

welcome readers to my review of the xxciting 2010 Australian F1 Grand Prix review held in beautiful Albert Pk in Melbourne south of the city between 25th-28th March.

I decided to take the scenic route down on the Saturday evening arriving in Melbourne early on the Sunday morning. The train trip down was leisurely and relaxing, having the whole 4 seats to myself to stretch out and chill.

Arriving bright and early on the Sunday, my girl was there to meet me and we ended up going for brekky and catching up. Finally going back to her place and resting before getting ready for the big race that was on later that day. The F1 powers had decided on another twilight race this year.

Come 3pm we slowly made our way to the track, which wasnt far, as she lives across the road. So all day we could hear the on-track action of the novelty races and the mighty powerful V-8's very loud!

WE had GA=General Admission tickets which meant we could roam freely with in the park except for the grandstand seating, which we preferred. Moving on to different spots capturing video and piccies (capturing pics proved very difficult as the cars are gone before U snap) LOL altho we did mange to snap a few by sheer luck! Just before the race started, there was the customary fighter jet overpass which deafened us! These beasts fly faster than the speed of sound, so U see em fly by quietly followed in their wake by a god almighty ROOOAR! we forgot to grab our earplugs so U can just imagine!

there was so much to do and see, there was the F1 display tent where we found a replica mclaren and podium LOL dozens of merchandise stalls, eaterys, bars, amusement rides, historical car displays (which Princess sat in and I took a pic of) and so much more!

The weather looked omnious as if it was about to burst any minute! Luckily there wasnt too much of a downpour mainly just light rain which made it all the more xxciting! I have to add here, for anyone not having attended a Grand Prix that the noise was absolutely DEAFENING! earplugs are a must!

Following the race proved a lil difficult coz we moved round alot to get the best vantage points and we werent always in view of the giant big screens, and the commentating was drowned out by the roar of the cars! So to see the full race uninterupted I had to wait till I got home. Still, being there amongst the action is something thats hard to pass up.

Video I had discovered was the only way to capture the action, since taking snaps was hard to do, so for the remainder of the race, we both took vid.

Afterwards, everyone can walk on the track, and we were lucky to get on just as they were towing away the damaged cars of Sauber, Willams and Toro Rosso. along with retired cars Renault and Hispania first time ive seen a F1 car up close like that. I was in awe! This is where I found and came away with the ULTIMATE F1 souvenier! A piece of debris off Buemi's damaged Toro Rosso, the boy went absolutely bonkers over it!

Simple Minds were playing at 8pm so we went looking for the main stage having to walk almost the entire length of the circuit before making our way round to the starting point. My battery had well and truly drained by now and I was a lil disappointed I couldnt film em, nevertheless, we enjoyed em so much, and they put on a superb show with most of their hits sung.

We stumbled in the door at round 11pm totally exausted after a long day but smug with all we did and all we filmed! it definately was a great weekend to remember!

First thing I did when we got back was ring the train office to rebook my trip for the following day, as I was too pooped to have to face getting up early to board. That meant I could spend an extra day with my girl and go sightseeing.

On Monday after brekky, I took the tram to town and explored the city. I have been to Melbourne numerous times but I have never had the chance to explore as much as I did that day. I had so much fun, and got lost in the process, which made it all the more xxciting! Melbournians are laid back friendly people, so unlike Sydneysiders which always seem to be rushing, and I had a ball talking with absolute total strangers. Even the tram driver made me feel at home after I got lost by handing me a magazine to read on our way back into town! The goddam tram driver!

saying goodbyes was the hardest part! I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my trip and I will definately not leave it so long between visits this time. The long trip back was draining!

To view piccies of Melbourne and the Grand Prix go here>>

2010 AU F1 GP pictures and Melbourne

below are a couple of the videos from the 2010 AU F1 Grand Prix:

to see the rest go to my Mz Helena you tube and look in recent activity for links to the videos from the track:

More 2010 F1 GP videos at Miz Helena you Tube



Saturday, March 6, 2010

serenade

OMG! this just has to get posted! our dear twitter buddy @markbaars created this for @hotsports and myself following a brief discussion about our terrible voices.. then he goes and sings "this guys in love with U" AWWWWWW.. check him out below.. isnt he fabulous! such a great voice..

Sunday, January 31, 2010

thank U to my sweet friend Greengoblin


my dear friend @Greengoblin created this.. thank U so much.. I sooo love it!

obsession

consuming.. twisting.. spiralling
drawn into the dark inferno
vacant, intense, ravenous
where nothing matters
except the restless moments
ceaselessly craving empty rewards
making vain excuses
and not a soul to blame
for this unspeakable crime
heart opened by a innocent blade
betraying truth with a pounding
succumbing knowing no bounds
my compulsive unreasonable love

Thursday, January 7, 2010

who will listen

let me heal,
grant me serenity
spirit me away
from this hopeless spinning wheel
the girl in the mask
with the empty heart
who knows no weakness
and affords no surrender
shes something very clever
but the armour pays a price
wounding
soaking in madness
and darkened eyes
the shattered panes of fear
slicing
bruising
distorting
in a haze the unspoken words
scream
a bitter silence
reaching for something
into the illusionary void
yet languishing still
the poignant beauty
looks away
thick with the promise of salvation
but who will listen?